After reading “Special Ed Mom” in the Summer ‘08 Get Born magazine I found my heart aching for this very ’special’ mom. I wanted to reach across the miles and give her a tight fierce hug. Her story touched me in many ways. As someone who worked with mentally challenged adults for 14 years I understood her sometimes desire for a more ‘normal’ child and barring that at least a child who appeared disabled so the world would accept his differences more readily – the reaction to someone with Down Syndrome is often more lenient than that to a child with autism – ‘Why doesn’t that mother just make him stop that tantrum!”.
I also felt for her worry that she didn’t ‘do all kinds of research on her son’s condition, institute behavioral programs, write books, blog, or learn enough to be precise and absolutely sure’. I’ve known those parents (and must admit have tendencies in that direction myself ) and I’ve seen how their drive to perhaps ‘cure’ or ‘fix’ can mask a feeling of failure – ‘Maybe I did something to cause this” – and can become so all consuming that there is little time to just be present with their child and love him.
When the author, Marcy Neth, says, “So I keep bringing him and worrying about him and wondering if I’m wrecking him in the long run.” she expresses the fear of every parent. Every decision we make every day – to spank or not to spank; to shield from risque movies/topics or permit and engage in dialogue about it; to trust the keys to our 16 year old on prom night or wait outside in the family van – we don’t know for perhaps years and years whether we have made the right choices. But I can say this, that no one, not the team of therapists, teachers or doctors will ever fill her role as mother – baker of cookies, knitter of sweaters, worrier of the future, dispenser of unconditional love.
Marcy Neth, take your son under your strong wing and know that his life is much enriched by his “Special Ed Mom’.
