Fresh Perspectives

Hello Everyone!

To start my part of the blog is an excerpt from an email I sent to Heather, which she was so tickled with she asked me to post it word for word.  Some history:  I work at Barnes & Noble and observe lots of moms with kids.

…yesterday every single kid that came into the store was screaming- not crying-just screaming. One mother with one of those huge strollers that holds like 3 kids, 10 drinks, coolers etc. came to check out. In her cup holder she had a venti iced coffee of some kind and all three kids were screaming.  My thought was…if I had three screaming kids, coffee wouldn’t do it..I would want a bottle of vodka in my cupholder..hehe (not that I would drink and watch kids) But with all those features on the strollers to keep the kids entertained, where are the features for the tired moms?

…part two:

Anyways…you have a new fan. I was working in the newsstand and asked a woman if she needed help finding anything. She said “This is strange but I need a magazine on parenting where the family does not look like this (and she pointed to the perfectly dressed smiling family of four on another magazine).” Then she went on to describe how her family photos are put together (photoshopped) one smiling kid at a time. She said that she needed “a real magazine- because these people (the perfect family) are either on happy pills or being bribed with brownies to pose like that” lol. I showed her yours and she laughed so hard she almost cried. I told her to try that one. About an hour and a half later she was checking out with me..bought your magazine…and said that she would be reading it weekly until the next one came out “for sanity in knowing that other mothers were having the same thoughts as her.” I guess she was reading it over her coffee!

Top Ten True Confessions of Stephanie Rayburn; Wellington, CO

1.  I often respond to my son’s whining with an exasperated, “What?!!”

2.  A common lunchtime for my child involves microwaved fish-sticks or chicken nuggets drowned in ketchup, some macaroni and cheese, and maybe a pile of blueberries or some other fruit to counter the nutritional value of the rest of it.  Frozen peas if he’s up for it.  And to think in the beginning I made all his food from scratch and it mostly consisted of pureed organic vegetables. . . I hardly have the motivation to continue with long preparations of foods that will mostly likely end up on the floor and in the bellies of the dogs rather than actually making it into my son’s mouth.  Plus, he’s so skinny.  I’m tempted to give him a pat of butter on the side with every meal.

3.  The only reason I continue to shave my armpits and legs is because my husband has made it clear that it is a requirement for the continuation of our marriage.

4.  I often come up with an excuse as to why we can’t go play outside right now . . . it’s too hot, too cold, too windy, you can smell the dairy cows, or just plain, “I don’t want to.”

5.  I often break down into tears for a few seconds here or there when I think no-one is looking.

6.  I have come to feel so bogged down by the monotony of being home all day with a toddler that I often find myself approaching my days with lethargy tinged with irritation at being asked to read Dr. Seuss’ Green Eggs and Ham for the 5th time that day.

7.   I had to stop pretending that I couldn’t hear my son when he woke up from his nap in order to get another 15 minutes or so to myself when he feel out onto his head in an attempt to get out on his own.  He will still wait a few minutes for me to show up and get him out now.

8.  I am heading back to work part-time and am looking forward to taking my son to daycare far more than I feel like I should be.  Sometimes I fantasize about going back to work full-time and putting him into daycare for 8 or 9 hours a day and then only being responsible for dinner and a little play-time before putting him to bed.  Then I think about how guilty that would make me feel, and I then feel guilty for even thinking about doing it in the first place.

9.  At my son’s current stage of toddler-hood, I find myself thinking more and more often that I may only have one child.

10.  During my days at home I avoid doing any unnecessary housework because I feel that taking responsibility for doing all the laundry and vacuuming and bathroom cleaning on a more regular basis might be the thing that just drives me over the edge into insanity.  I make my husband do his own laundry, and we clean together on the weekends, despite the fact that I have ample time to do it during the week while he is at work.

Another Top Ten True Confessions

1. I would rather read my blog rolls than play with my boys – most days.
2. My son is having a hard time understanding that he’s not suppose to wet his pants at night. I blame myself. I would rather stay in bed ½ hour longer than get up when I hear him, in order to rush him to the potty. (He’s only 2, so I guess I still have time.)
3. On more days than most, I let the boys watch TV in the morning just so I can get my work done around the house.
4. My husband works hard at work 5 days a week, 10 – 11 hour days, and I hate it when, on occasion, he doesn’t want to give the boys a bath and I do.
5. My kitchen floor is lucky if it gets cleaned once a month.
6. Sometimes, I like to make my kids cry.
7. We have two happy and healthy boys, but I really want our third to be a girl. We are currently trying.
8. No sooner do I get up in the morning then I’m counting down the hours till nap time.
9. Sometimes, I stay up WAY past my bedtime just so I can be alone, but then I’m cranky in the morning with the kids.
10. I think a lot about my life before I had kids and I sometimes long for those days, but I wouldn’t give up my worst day with them to have even one day without them.

From Miss Jack: http://www.missjackofalltrades.blogspot.com/

End of Summer Blues

This is the last week before school starts again, and I should be singing that song “It’s the most wonderful time of the year…” but I’m dealing with the “summer goals” guilt. What happened to all those educational things I was going to do with my kids this summer? The daily homework pages to keep up their math and writing skills? The many books we were going to read together? The cooking lessons I was going to give them (LOL, the world’s worst cook teaching her children)? The stargazing we were going to do, followed up by reading the mythology behind the constellations? The daily walks we were going to take to exercise both us and the dogs? The artistic moments we were going to spend sketching together (which is at least more up my alley than cooking)?

Truth to be told we did a couple of those things a couple of times–but we never reached that magic threshhold that makes them habitual. The kids logged far more time on Runescape than I intended them to, because when push comes to shove, when it was 95 degrees plus outside, I couldn’t think of anything better for them to do…especially when I wanted to sneak in a nap. Okay, my goals were probably a little too ambitious. So, can I count it as a success that we read “Ranger’s Apprentice”, baked cookies one afternoon, and walked the dogs an average of once a week? Does watching the movie “School of Rock” count as educational fare? How do I know what grade we earned for this summer?

I guess I’ll find out in the next week, when my kids do their annual “What I did on my summer vacation” essay. Or maybe the grade will come 10 years from now, when we reminisce around the dinner table and one of them says, “do you remember the summer when…?”

A changing image of sexy.

I have been musing lately over how my image of the sexy female body has changed so much since becoming a mother.  I was 23 when I became pregnant, and I worked out regularly, so I had what I considered to be a nicely toned, perky, sexy body.  I loved my perky boobs and hard tummy.  As my body morphed into a giant hormonal bubble, the stretch marks began to show up (on my breasts, my thighs, my hips, my belly), and I began to have a crisis of image – what would my husband think of me if these things never went away?  It turns out, he thought plenty, and it was all good.  I was the one who had to adjust, and of course my body has bounced back somewhat, although going to the gym regularly is hardly on top of my priority list.  I have, instead, redefined my idea of sexy.  I have breastfed my son for 18 months (so far), and my breasts show the wear.  They are no longer perky, but saggy.  Rather than bemoan this, however, I am proud of my breasts.  The stretch marks on them have faded to silver and I think my breasts look so mature and womanly.  I think the fact that they can provide so much life and nourishment makes them even sexier.  Now when I see perky breasts on models and actresses, I actually think they look adolescent – like breasts that have not yet reached their full potential.  My hips are broader and curvier, and again, sexier, I think.  They are wide, fertile, baby-making, sexy hips.  I love them, even if I did have to buy a bigger size in pants.  I also admire the soft slight swell of my tummy that may always be present, and my faded silver stretch marks are my motherhood tattoos, my scars that remind me of the incredible challenges of pregnancy and childbirth, and that I was strong enough to overcome them.  Now that I am at this point, would I take back my firm 23-year-old body?  Absolutely not!!

Eclectic reading spawns strange musings

I’ve read two interesting books this week that have me pondering the amazing workings of our brains. One book was “The Woman Who Can’t Forget,” an autobiography of a woman who remembers every single day of her life since she was 14, and much of her life before that. She is unable to forget, and her mind replays days like a movie where she relives the emotions of those moments (for better or worse) with all the intensity she felt the first time. She is, of course, the subject of memory research–but I never realized what a gift the ability to forget, or to modify our memory can be! I think about how quickly I forgot the pain of childbirth. My other book is “Breaking Dawn”, the last of the Stephanie Meyer vampire romance series. This will be heresy to fans, but I didn’t read the previous books. I tried “Twilight”, but was having too many uncomfortable memories of high school and the difficulties of trying to fit in (see the link between Book 1 and Book 2 in this musing?) so I gave up. I only started reading “Breaking Dawn” because a vampire baby was being born and I just had to find out what Ms Meyer envisioned as the way to nurture a tiny blood-sucking creature. Some of you know I’m obsessed with breastfeeding:(. I won’t reveal any details here for those who have not yet read the series, but I am continually amazed (impressed, and perhaps jealous) at the scope of imagination that exists out there. I’m contemplating what “the confessions of a vampire mother” will look like when I submit them for a future edition of get born magazine. Or some of you “Twihards” out there can beat me to the punch and submit your own list…

Old Moms Rule!!

Not really, but I wanted to sound like the hip, energetic young thing I used to be. But look at me, I’m blogging, which means I must be a little bit cool, or “with it”, or whatever is the current slang for “she knows what she’s doing.” I hope to write some sage and witty info to share the wisdom I must have gained in my decades on earth, and my dozen years as a mom. Problem is, I don’t feel wise, just experienced. That’s what makes me a get born mom. I appreciate Heather inviting me to contribute to her get born blog, it strikes me as a quiet vote of confidence that this old lady CAN learn some new tricks (No, I didn’t mean THAT kind of tricks, get your mind out of the gutter, will you?). Anyway, stay tuned for tidbits of wisdom, if they ever come to me.

True Confessions of Marianne

1. I don’t brush my kids’ teeth every single night

2. I will give in and give them a lollipop at 10 am on Saturday morning if they will please please stop whining

3. On days they get a lollipop at 10 am I DO brush their teeth

4. Some nights I turn on Tom & Jerry and tell them I’m going to go into the kitchen to cook dinner but I really make mac&cheese and give myself a few minutes alone in the kitchen. A fat glass of wine is usually included on these quiet kitchen times

5. I pack lunch for myself every single day and rarely buy myself anything so I can hire a cleaning woman every 2 weeks

6. I never scrub the floor or the toilet or the bathroom counters (see point 5)

7. I do make my own bread and I do keep the children high-fructose-corn-syrup free

8. I stay up way too late most nights so I have me time and then am a grump to the kids in the morning

9. I waited all my life to have 2 beautiful kids (i’m in my 40s) but often think about bedtime as soon as I wake up

10. I think my children and my experience with motherhood is unique (I know it’s a universal truth)

Tags: TrueConfessions, motherhood, getborn

True Confessions of Teresa Soltis

1. I turn the radio up in the car really loud so I don’t have to hear my kids talk.

2. I tell my kids I have homework so I can sit at the computer and eat my dinner.

3. I havn’t mopped my kitchen for over a month

4. I tell my kids food is spicy just so I don’t have to share.

5. I make brownies, give the kids one, and eat the rest of the pan myself.

6. Some times I get the girls out of bed and bring them to mine so I don’t have to sleep alone.

7. I give in to whining.

8. I fantasize about life without children, even though there is no way I would give them up.

9. I don’t remember the last time I paid a bill by the due date.

10. I have left dishwater sitting in the sink for atleast one full day.

Tags: TrueConfessions, motherhood, getborn

True Confessions of Kira Nelson

1. I really would rather stay in bed and read than get up at 5:30 to feed my kids cold cereal.

2. I have raised whiny selfish kids, but I think they are happy.

3.Motherhood is the biggest kept secret in the world and if we all knew what it was really like well that pretty much says it.

4.My husband works hard at his his job , but hardly works at home

5. Does cereal count as dinner?

6. I would love to travel Europe again, by myself.

7.Who are we doing this for?

8. being a stay at home mom is the hardest thing i have ever done in my life!

9. I am a slacker mom, and i am OK with it

10.I love my kids with all of my heart and soul, but damn this is hard!

Tags: TrueConfessions, motherhood, getborn